Watching my weight go DOWN!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Wake up call.

Two nights ago I had a dream that it was finally the day of the triathlon. I had my gear on and was ready to go. I started swimming and felt as if I was swimming through quick sand. I finally made it to shore just to see that I was the last one out of the murky water. I ran to the the transition area only to find that I didn't have a bike. It was gone. Either I didn't bring one or someone stole it...I didnt even know!! For 45 minutes I looked for a bike(I don't know why that time stuck out so distinctly) and I finally found one. Not a road bike, not a mountain bike, but something that looked like it was straight out of my parents childhood.
I obviously had no time to be picky so I jumped on it just to realize that the tire was flat. I remember feeling like I wanted to cry but I knew I had to finish. So I got off the bike and pumped up the tire.(With a pump that seemed to magically appear in my hand...as they do in dreams). I FINALLY made it to the last transistion. It was time to run. I started running, and it actually was the easiest part of the whole shebang (which is DEFINITELY not true in real life). I saw that everyone had pretty much already left for the awards and nobody seemed to notice that I hadnt finished yet. I crossed over the line with a whopping time of about 3 1/2 hours. To put this in perspective...an average time is an hour and a half and most people are finished within 2 hours. I woke up feeling like a failure. Defeat. Anxiety. Panic. All started to set in and the realization that the tri was only a month and a half away became more alive than ever. Thoughts of quitting immediately entered my brain. The accusatory thoughts of laziness and lack of self worth started overwhelming my senses. I felt my soul shrinking with each accusation of how stupid I was to even think I could do something like this. Then came an indescribable peace. A calm. "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. and "But Jesus looked at them and said, <em>"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."" Matthew 19:26 With these verses I was reminded that I am not alone. But not only that. I am reminded that I am NOT doing this just for myself....because I cannot do this by myself. The anxiety sets in when I begin doing it for prideful reasons. When I put pressure on myself for how it will make me "look" if I dont make a great time. But pride, anxiety, and worry are all from the deceiver...not from my Creator and Savior. He is not a God of chaos. I had to repent immediately for my selfishness and hand it back over to Him. How often do I want to get the credit for what I'm doing. I did this. And I did that. It's sad that someone as insignificant as myself can think that I am doing "so well" without giving ALL the glory to the one who made me, this planet, THIS UNIVERSE. I do not deserve anything. I do not deserve better. Only God deserves the GLORY from anything I do. How often does He humble me. With love and assurance He reminds me that He is in control. Let us rejoice for He is Good. Let us trust Him in ALL that we do. No matter how insignificant it seems. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD.

1 comment:

  1. Okay....you're going to need to know that I think that we should hang out. I don't know when or where, but you stinkin encourage the SNOT out of me! That post was so timely and so true. From it, I realize that I too must repent. Thanks ma'am!!!

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